Coming every other week, straight from the horse’s mouth, I will be giving you the advice of your life. The advice you thought you never needed regarding questions you never thought you’d ask to put you on the path you never saw yourself going down. 

If you have a question/need some advice/just want to see your voice in print, find me on Instagram (@rhhook) and splurge. I’m looking to monetize. 

Let’s go!

What should I get my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?

Anything from I suggest the Saddam Hussein towel. Nothing says love like wiping the dirt off yourself onto a former tyrannical leader. 

What is the best stock to invest in?

I suspect a boom/bust in Blockbuster, mostly boom. If it can happen to Gamestop it can happen to Blockbuster. Nostalgia is a revenue stream. Blink 182 had a tour and Mulan had a remake – who says Blockbuster can’t make a comeback? Even if it’s just on a shirt from Urban Outfitters, we’ll see Blockbuster again. 

I was thinking of having a day where I just read youtube comments, is that a good idea?

Modern journalism has relied on the peanut gallery of comment sections for 6 years now. So, it’s either a journalism degree or this. Less money spent on YouTube comments. Indulge. 

How often should I microdose to become a silicon valley CEO?

Take the dose between whatever Mark Zuckerberg and Charles Manson did. Manson created a social network too. Take half a dose of LSD every 10 minutes for 7 years. Heroic? Sure. Smart? No. Interesting? Yes. History made. I’ll be waiting for an app that shows what I look like bald. 

Why did my penis fall off and how can I use this to my advantage?

Not a doctor, but you’d best consult an astrologist. Also, claim insurance. 

Bonus advice – the more you listen to Joe Rogan the higher you get on DMT.

Ryan Hook is a MacEwan Journalism graduate and local reggae bandleader.